(originally posted 5 Aug 2018)
We stopped the cart to collect our buried loot as well as get a bit of respite from the day's hardship. Werner was off unearthing the dirt coffers, one thousand fine gold crowns for journey ahead. Wanda was sitting by the fire and absorbed in reading those strange writings of which we dare not inquire. Slouched against the cart was Johann, sword and shield nearby. His shield was all but ruined from the claw marks, drool from earlier had stained his leather jerkin and he stared distantly into the fire. I'm surprised that after today's events none of us had lost our minds completely, although to be honest I feel Werner has been strangely twitchy and the less said about the wizard's erotic fascinations, the better. I spoke to Johann carefully, as like all of us he was unbearably nervous.
"Would you like me to write your report?"
He looked at me, confused for a moment, before smiling faintly.
"... I almost forgot. Thank you Harbull for the offer but my head is still a bit foggy and, eh, thoughts and memories are harder to articulate than usual."
This was fierce disturbing. Johann loved to tell our tale as much as he gave ludicrous tips to messengers, urchins, and everyone who utters a syllable in his direction.
"That's okay. How about I help fill in the gaps?"
He thought about it, and then considered it a fine agreement. He tried to offer me three gold crowns as he thought this was an excellent idea but I gently refused him.
"So we were outside the estate of Franz Steinhager. The plan was set to smother the man in his bed with a pillow to make it look like he died naturally. Werner and Wanda sneaked into the place. The guards hadn't noticed and the guard dogs were dealt with by, erm..."
"You bought a very expensive selection of sausages, which I mixed with a bunch of fine Mootland herbs that would send the little fellas to sleep upon consumption."
"I thought they deserved to eat well... regardless, the deed was soon done. Werner had killed the man and Wanda ran in with a belt to make some, er, adjustments to the scene (writer's note: it was to frame it as auto-erotic asphyxiation. I dare not ask Wanda further). The guards caught wind of it but we escaped over the garden wall quickly enough to avoid having bolts shot our way."
"Beyond the wall we were chased by some of the locals but they soon gave up when Wanda pointed out how fruitless it is to try to catch heavily armed adventurers when the blightin' moon has a face, is licking its lips and is getting closer and closer each day."
"The secret was to never make eye contact with it. Soon we got to the market and decided to purchase what we needed for the eventual battle with the cultists. I got this fine shield and would have gotten the chain hauberk too if it wasn't for the ridiculous price of 75 gold crowns."
"Actually it was 90."
I had to tell him to sit down after this revelation. We all needed to rest and Sigmar knows there are more important things in this world to be furious about than chain mail prices.
"Forget the prices, do you remember what happened next?"
"Right. We went to get the reward money at the Golden Trout club from the Steinhager brother (Heinrich) who gave us the job. We went upstairs and the taffer betrayed us by telling the guards we did the murder! Another damned cultist! Werner and I hurt ourselves terribly leaping out the window. Wait, how did you get out? Were you there?"
"Of course Johann, I went out the window after you." I wasn't there, I had sensed it was a setup and got away as soon as possible. I assumed they had the same idea but I was wrong. Whoops.
"Wanda hid under the table and escaped her own way, with some sort of sorcery or other bizarre wizard method."
Wanda put her book down, glared at him and spoke thusly:
"Frankly I'm sick of your ignorance regarding how I achieved my escape. I have explained it to you before and I shall once more: it was a simple incantation coupled with the rudimentary component of a feather that upon touching another being would render simpletons such as those guards asleep."
"Ah, but Wanda it didn't help much against..." Johann suddenly shuddered and I had to calm him down again. He continued the tale.
"We took a brief moment to recover and were met on the street by a merchant we saw before at the nobility club. It was the Councillor Magirius and he had serious news: he formerly worked with Teugen (the cult leader) and the Ordo Septenarius to receive "wealth beyond his wildest dreams" but things had gone in a dire direction and he was anxious to stop their foul ritual. Glancing at the grinning moon, we were not surprised. He gave us as much evidence as possible to stop the cult but we knew as wanted criminals it wouldn't help us greatly. Finally, Magirius agreed to send a messenger regarding the chosen location of the ritual as soon as possible."
"He was true to his word. Sent us a real ugly looking urchin, or at least we thought it was a kid at first. Didn't stop you from giving him a gold crown though."
"Hey I felt sorry for the creature, at least at the time. We received a letter urgently requesting we appear at Magirius' office in the Adel Ring as soon as possible. Upon arrival, we found his body mangled and in a pool of blood. He had left a message (W.H. 13) in his blood and as soon as we read it the damned urchin called for the guards. I had no idea the Dark Gods could be this cruel!
Horrifyingly, before we made our escape out another window, the urchin threatened us in an unearthly voice and disappeared into smoke."
"It's just our luck to run afoul of another Chaos demon, isn't it?"
"True. The next hour or so was spent evading guards and ruminating on the note the Councillor had left for us. We were perplexed beyond belief. However, Werner used his great wits to brilliantly solve this puzzle: it was the thirteenth warehouse on the docks, an open enough area to allow a cult ritual to take place without much notice! We paid a fisherman to bring us across the River Bogen to the Westendam and discovered the warehouse easily. The giant pentagram circle on the floor was the major clue. The cult had not arrived yet, so we hid ourselves behind some crates and readied our weapons. Soon they arrived and the ritual had begun shortly after as cultists donned their robes, appraised their bronze knives and brought forth the victim of the sacrifice."
"I recognized the victim, she was a regular at the Crossed Pikes. Never caught her name though."
"Regardless of who it was, we weren't letting the vile bastards have their day. As soon as that monster Teugen lifted the dagger I aimed my crossbow and nearly shot his arm off. After two misses with our crossbows you struck the demonic child with a sling stone and it revealed it's true self. Sloughing off its skin it was about 10 feet tall, scaly, horned, had exposed tentacles and organs lashing from its stomach and most importantly it was very pissed off. It hurled a ball of flame, which Werner parried with his shield but it set the warehouse alight. It intimidated the poor Teugen to stay while the rest fled. Teugen said some words in my direction and things went dark within my head for a while..."
"You were cursed briefly with some sort of helpless madness. You drooled and moaned, clutching your head and babbling, it was horrible."
Johann nodded grimly.
"Thankfully it didn't last too long. The demon loomed behind me and something, some sort of spark of that will to live, brought me back quickly enough to raise my shield and barely survive the onslaught of tentacles, talons and teeth. Steel would not end it, magic did not affect it, doom was imminent. As all seemed hopeless, Werner finally severed Teugen's arm completely with a thrown axe and the bell rang at midnight. The time of the ritual had reached its end. A sweet, haunting voice caressed our ears as smoke emanated from the unholy circle. It first addressed Teugen, declared his mortal form and soul no longer useful on this world, and pulled him into the depths of the underworld with an unfathomable arm. The demon, Gideon was its name, had failed in its task to give the being a portal in our realm and was thus recalled to Hell. Both had vanished along with the smoke. The Chaos God's plan had failed, and its servants suffered the consequences. We quickly freed the bound girl and got the hell out of there. What happened after that?"
"You fell unconscious from the shock to your mind and body. Werner got us a cart and we set off to get our gold. Narrowly avoided patrolling guards but thankfully we're here now and safe. Relatively safe, at least."
Werner was back, he ably carried both chests to the cart. It was time to get going. I thanked Johann for his account and we set off.
Let's hope that what came from Hell, stays in Hell.
- Harbull Furfoot.
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