Fight the Power Word, Kill

1)
Male human ranger
Name: Paul Gascoigne
Animal companion is a wise salmon
Pretty standard ranger except that he was subject to the arcane magics of a wizard, which is both a blessing and a curse.
His sword hand is made entirely of bread. It functions like a normal hand, and is crusty enough to hold medium-weight objects, but if he gets it wet it becomes soggy and limp. On the other hand, he never goes hungry, because he can nibble a bit of his hand and it will grow back.

2)
Jin-jeevo
female dwarf fighter
bog standard dwarf fighter, except that she was recently struck by a cosmic beam, emanating from our own planet. Planet Earth.
That beam originated in the mid to late 80s, and causes Jin-jeevo to only be able to speak in lyrics from the solo work of Belinda Carlisle (not the Go-Gos) and Paul Simon's "Graceland" album.


3) Patches and Karl
Two ordinary house cats

4)
Dimitar Berbatov,
Male human ranger
Animal companion: giant tortoise
A louche swordsman who dresses foppishly and carries a rapier.
Is mainly dungeoneering with an eye to getting on the property ladder, so he is constantly assessing rooms for their potential as flipped properties.

5)
Female elf cleric
Kalinda! (name must be pronounced with verve)
Driven to slay the nemesis of her clan, Some Presumably Bad Guy, she is single-minded to the extent that she will not take on any adventure unrelated to her quest. She is also haughty and will not accept aid from anyone or join an adventuring party. She particularly loathes fighters, wizards, rogues, clerics, dwarves, halflings and humans, and will fly into a murderous rage if any of these speak directly to her.

BUT!
She has a loyal factotum named Choc-ice, who deals with the outside world for her as a go-between. He will help the party by making Kalinda! think that she's going to places related to her family quest, and that the other PCs are just random bystanders who happen to be travelling in the same direction, into the same dungeons and so on. They have to avoid speaking to or making eye contact with her.


6)
Ruel Fox
Male human ranger
Animal companion: wolf (not a fox)
Big beefy arms but quite a long, slender neck. community activist, teaches a kids' boxing class on the weekends and is unable to correctly pronounce words that ends in "-sp".